reflections from the road

31 Jul

It has been a bit longer than normal since my last post. Time since my grandpa’s passing has been spent with good friends and processing the events of the past few weeks. It has been starting to sink in more and I think will continue to do so once I arrive home and truly realize the void that grandpa has left. On that note, I am currently making the long trek home at a much quicker pace than I made the long trek across the country. Over the next 36 hours, I will be spending about 28 of them in the car. I have currently knocked off about 7 from that total and am sitting in a McDonald’s somewhere between Seward, Nebraska and Salt Lake City, Utah, taking full advantage of their free WiFi. McDonald’s, Starbucks and Panera Bread have become good friends of mine throughout this journey with their free Internet access… and yes, most of the time I do purchase something so I am not using them completely.

Long stretches of time in the car leads to the wandering of my mind into corners of forgotten memories, new ideas, revelations, insights, daydreams, big visions, little visions and inspiration. During today’s drive, I have been reflecting on a quote I recently heard: “I’m sorry for you that your life has been so easy because unless your heart has been broken, you will never make great music.” (and I paraphrase).

My good friend shared this with me the other night because as she was reading the book that she found this quote in, she wrote my name down beside it. She said that when my heart was broken, something inside of me came alive. I am blessed with great friends who also happen to be some of the most intelligent people I know. This quote reminded me of another quote from C.S. Lewis that I was given a few weeks ago by a new friend.

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you know that these jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominately and does not seem to make much sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” ~ C.S. Lewis

I absolutely love this analogy that Lewis uses to depict the breaking down and building up process that God is constantly carrying us through. And heartache is one of those ways in which God tears down those walls and wings in our house only to replace them with beautiful gardens and towering columns. In my head, the house that God is building me into is an old, greek revival, southern-style home with enchanting charm and soul. Now what my ‘great music’ is, well that’s yet to be seen. In my heart of hearts I do wish that it was literally great music accompanied by beautiful words, but we’ll see… I think my dreams of being a rock star may just be that, a dream :)

That’s all for now. I’m sure I will stew on this more in the next 7 hours of driving across stretches of land that all looks quite similar.

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